Am I learning to wonder more or less? One recent Saturday I went to turn on my computer and… nothing. Hmmm…. I wondered. Is this normal? Does it mean I lost everything? Will it mean a big bill? Actually, I think that was worry. Then, thankfully, I noticed a shift. Maybe it was realizing that I have a backup drive, (Yay for taking care of that back in April!), or being grateful for having used this computer for such a long time (how many is 5 in mac years?), or just believing that this would all have a good ending. Truth is I was amazing myself at how much is was having a good beginning!
Could it be that I would get a new laptop? After all, at least five times in the last few months I’d heard myself say, “My dream is to someday get a laptop.” This is where wonder differs from worry. I felt curious, excited and energized about this. What would happen when I took in my old machine?
The “genius” at the store (it really says this on his name tag) made a diagnosis. A new hard drive at a fair price and a new display at no cost to replace the one with slowly dying pixels. Great!
Ohhh… but then I walked out through the store looking at all the beautiful new ones. Ohhh…. I wondered if now was the time to get one. I would certainly need something during the 5-day repair. My intuition said ‘yes.’ Standing there by the 13″ MacBookPro a tear came to my eye. Then suddenly intuition spoke again. “Go move your car.” Why? “Go move your car.” I walked outside, wondering if this means I won’t get a laptop this day, and saw that I had parked in a fire zone! As I pulled out, intuition chimes in again, “go to the Wedge.” Okay… but what about the computer? No answer.
“Four o’clock.” That’s what I heard around noon when I got home. Yay! I arranged my day accordingly and returned to the store with my data-filled backup drive in hand and ready to make a purchase at 4PM.
So, I’m inspired once again to let “worry why” transform into “wonder why,” and then shift into that full blessing of just wonder. “Why” doesn’t matter so much when I keep faith and pay attention along the way. The practice is less of “wondering why” and more of simply wondering what step is next, how this will all play out, and how to receive such an abundance of blessings.
